In an earlier post about Emotional Intelligence and marshmallows I referred to the findings of a Demos think-tank report which reported on an increase in social mobility between the end of WW2 and the 1970s followed by a period of stagnation up to 2000.
Amongst the three traits that were most important for children to improve their social lot was empathy – the ability to be sensitive to other people, to read their emotions and understand non-verbal communication.
This is one of the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. Unless you are a sociopath everyone is capable of being empathic. There is even some research evidence that we possess a mirror neurone which plays a part in empathy and learning by imitation.
It may also explain the phenomenon of postural echo where two people in rapport with each other may unconsciously synchronise their movements.
There is also other evidence that may be a genetic component to empathy. Researchers in the US have discovered that people who inherit a particular version of oxytocin receptor, the bonding hormone, score significantly higher on tests of empathy, and react less strongly to stressful stimuli.
They point out that people who score lower can still be caring and empathetic individuals, and people can learn to develop more empathy. For example, people who read well-written novels are able to put themselves in the shoes of the characters and that helps them to understand others’ perspectives.
And researchers at Strathclyde University found that children who are good at standing up to bullies, whether for themselves or others, are better at resolving problems without conflict, are more emotionally literate, and better at taking other people’s perspective. See “What doesn’t kill you, makes you”.
Students today, however, are 40% less empathetic than they were 20 or 30 years ago, according to a report in The Times. “Generation Me” is more narcissistic, self-centred and competitive and less concerned with other people’s feelings. People also see them as more confident and individualistic but less kind.
The decline has been more marked since 2000, attributed to violent video games, social networking sites, and an obsession with TV celebrities. Inflated expectations, competitiveness and hiding weaknesses leaves no time for empathy.
Researchers believe that technology has replaced human interaction and having “friends” online means that you don’t have to respond to their problems. At one point it seemed that emotional intelligence was at last being taken seriously in the last labour government.
In The Times at that time, an article about cabinet resignations said that Shaun Woodward and Tessa Jowell were given; “prominent communication roles to provide emotional intelligence and, according to aides, address Mr Brown’s communication weaknesses”. That those attempts failed is now history.
BTW If you want to check out how good you are reading NVC go to this BBC site
First posted on SGANDA in 2010
One of the first things taught on “How to be more persuasive” courses is how to subtly mimic your potential client or customer’s body language to make the other person more responsive to your charms.
However reminders of money reverse the effects of mimicry and make the mimic less liked and those being mimicked feel threatened.
If you’ve been trained in the black arts of NLP you will also know all bout mirroring and matching and there is a substantial amount of research on what is also called postural echo. When we are getting on with someone we tend to unconsciously match their body movements and find ourselves moving in synch. (Conversely deliberately getting out of synch will break the spell and tells the other person, perhaps at an unconscious level, that we are not interested).
But when we are mimicking body language it seems that we are perceived as more trustworthy and attractive and it puts us in a better mood and more likely to be helpful to others.
So it seems reasonable that if we were to do that consciously then we would recreate that feeling.
Research by Jia Liu however, reported in the September issue of Psychological Science, shows that the feel-good factor can be undermined and disrupted by the introduction of money or reminders of it.
Their experiment involved participants answering irrelevant questions on a computer which had either a wallpaper of shells or of monetary symbols. This was followed by a 10 minute session working in pairs with a stranger who either mimicked or didn’t. They then rated how much they liked that person and completed a questionnaire about how threatened they felt.
Without the reminder of money the participants reported the usual benefits of liking their partner more and feeling less threatened. However those participants reminded of money at the outset liked their partner less and felt more threatened than the other participants.
The experiment showed that whilst mimicking someone’s body language usually has positive benefits being reminded of money – which triggers ideas of selfishness and egocentricity and makes us yearn for autonomy – has a negative effect.
Source: The Psychologist Vol 24 No 11 November 2011